Combatting stress

This is a lesson that I learned a few times already - but have to keep fresh in my memory. Holding onto stress and trying to fix everything to make it work right only makes me crazy. "If this happens, then that will happen, then we can do this...but if that DOESN'T happen then this will happen and we can't do that or someone won't be happy...BUT if I do THIS and THAT then maybe it will work.............."

Jeez, louise, learn your lesson girl! Whatever is going to happen will happen no matter how much I try to fix it. I'm not completely responsible for everyone's happiness - I can only help the people who want to be helped - and helping doesn't mean doing everything for them. I have to learn to let go - and not to take things personally when I get slammed or ignored by someone I'm bending over backwards for. If I stay in the right frame of mind I can do that - but when I let my guard down and start to care it crushes me.

Thank god for Mike - he is a true lifesaver and the love of my life.

To Mom

I went to the house this morning and you wouldn't let me in. I saw the lock turn with my very own eyes. I asked you to please let me in - and when I tried the lock again you did.

I walked into the living room and knew you were there - no one has been there for days but me, and the chair in the corner was facing the wall. In the bedroom there was a drop of something sticky on the floor - like melted candy. No one in my family eats stuff like that - and no one has been there but me.

It's been 3 years today - so it was no surprise that you would make yourself known. Yes, it is my house now, but a part of it will always be yours and you are always welcome there.

I wish you hadn't ripped yourself out of all the photos of us just because you didn't like the way you looked. They were special to me. I still found some intact, though, amidst all the boxes, and your photo is on my bureau.

Love you, mom.

Sleep fairy?

Too much stress - need to sleep for a week. Went snowboarding and that helped a bit. Just tired and stressed...

Had a crazy busy weekend

Spent most of the weekend pulling up carpet, tile, and filling the humongous dumpster in the backyard. Emptied the downstairs crawlspace too. It's looking good, though.