I hate to start my blog on this note, but I don't feel like I want to write this entry at LCT so I'm going to write it here. I'm really disappointed in my father for not showing more concern for Mike. I knew before too long the old dad that I have known all my life would come through again. Since my mom died I've been trying to make peace with him and keep my eye on him to make sure that he's ok, and he has been relatively involved in our lives, but in the back of my mind I've known that the regular contact has mostly been because I've initiated it. Now he's talking about moving to Ireland and having us take over his house. Then Mike gets hurt and he doesn't even call for a week to see if his grandson is ok or dying. Then when I call he acts like nothing ever happened.
Is he entirely self absorbed or is he avoiding the issue because he can't deal with the thought of anyone being hurt because he's still not over my mother's accident? I don't know, but this kid deserved at least a phone call from his grandfather - and at least on his birthday, no doubt.
What my therapist has told me rings true here for sure - that I learned long ago to take care of myself and not depend on anyone because they always let me down. It started at home - with him.
6 comments:
Lisa - big hugs kiddo. Boy, that sucks. I bet it hurts you more than little Mike though since you and his father give him plenty of love and security.
Hey, thanks guys.
Yes, Tia, I am making excuses for him. I guess I always want to give people the benefit of the doubt - I don't want to believe the worst - and I end up getting stepped on. I don't believe that he doesn't care, just that he's clueless. I don't know which is worse.
Prom, you're right. It hurts me more than it does little Mike. Mike probably never expected a thing. He never has so he wasn't disappointed. He's the lucky one, I guess. I'm glad for that.
Thanks for stopping by - hugs to both of you.
My feelings about those sort of disappointing relationships where someone isn't demonstrating their love for you in a way that you can see, is that the only way to survive them is to accept the person for who they are or get them out of your life.
Given its your dad, and given that you probably want him in your life, you have to decide that he's simply never going to be what you want him to be and only ever be himself. It sucks but if you can give up the expectations of "normal" behavior from him, then you won't be disappointed over and over again. Maybe you can even go on to notice things about him that you do find endearing.
Easy to say, hard to do but as the saying goes, you can't get blood out of a stone.
That's good advice Prom - I had gotten to that place with him - of never expecting anything - I had been there for a long time. Then my mother died and I was thrown into the role of caretaking, and the relationship changed. He seemed human again and I let my guard down. I guess I wanted to think that he had changed, but deep down I've known that there are almost two "dads" - the one that is deep within the root of him - that's the real dad, and then there's the one that I call the "ice cream candy shell" that is on the outside. That's the one that I see on a daily basis but isn't real - it's all nice and pretty but it cracks when you tap it.
Yes, I think we end up reassessing our relationships with people when stuff like that happens. It sucks but sometimes it just is what it is.
Just saw your blog. I'm just gonna give you a hug for now. {{{{Hug}}}} Be back later!
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